Deep grief has a way of changing you. It's heavy, messy, and sometimes feels like you're carrying a weight in your heart that's too much to bear. You often wonder if you'll ever be strong enough to carry it without buckling under the heaviness.
In my personal experience with heartache and loss, I've found there's no quick fix and healing is anything but linear. There are however, small, meaningful things you can do for yourself to bring comfort when you feel your heart can't take it any longer.
I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I've walked through those long nights and heavy mornings. I've cried in the shower and howled at the moon under the weight of unanswered questions and wondered if my heart would ever feel whole again.
In those moments, it was the smallest of rituals, the simple acts of care, that gave me a moment of comfort.
These rituals are for anyone who's feeling the ache of loss. They're gentle reminders that even in your darkest moments you can find comfort, even if just for a moment.
1. Create A Beautiful Morning
Mornings can be difficult when you're grieving, you wake feeling like you haven't slept and the feeling of loss often hits you before your eyes have even opened.
The day stretches out ahead of you and just the sheer thought of getting out of bed feels impossible.
Every morning is beautiful though, whether you stop to see it or not. So create yourself a beautiful morning every morning, even if you don't feel like it.
Create a morning ritual for yourself and give yourself something to look forward to.
I personally like to wake up nice and early before the kids so I have time to breathe. I draw all the curtains and blinds while the kettle boils and then pour myself a cup of tea (my Sorrow Organic Herbal Tea is perfect for this).
I then snuggle back into bed with my cup of tea, light a candle by my bedside table and read in the quiet while watching the sun come up and sipping my tea.
This is a small but significant moment of care for myself first thing in the morning and it means the world to me.
Every morning is beautiful, if you make the time to see it.
2. Write It All Down (Unfiltered & Unedited)
Grief can be chaotic on the inside while it feels like to the world is standing still around you. Thoughts spinning in all directions, memories rising when you least expect them. Writing has become an outlet for me.
I started by scribbling down whatever came to mind, no structure, no pressure to make sense of it. Just feelings poured out onto paper. Another great time for a cup of tea!
Writing everything down can be a meaningful way to get all your thoughts and feelings down on paper and expressed so you can process them instead of holding them in.
3. Walking Barefoot or Earthing Yourself
I find grounding myself by walking barefoot on the earth can be incredibly stabilising when everything else feels shaky.
Whether it's 10 minutes out on the lawn, laying on the warm pavers in the sun, or using an earthing sheet.
Spending even just a little time each day in connection with the earth does wonders for our heart and soul.
I use this earthing sheet from EarthingOz. This isn't sponsored, I just love it and recommend it.
If you'd like to know more about the health benefits of earthing, there's a great documentary called The Earthing Movie.
You can watch the whole documentary for free on YouTube below. It's worth your time.
4. Light a Candle & Reflect
Some nights, lighting a candle and simply sitting with my grief and letting all the feelings wash over me is enough.
Quiet moments of reflection, no distractions, just me, the flicker of the flame, and whatever feelings need to rise to the surface.
It creates the perfect setting for quiet meditation or prayer for bringing in peace.
This simple ritual became a way to honour my grief and sit with my feelings instead of pushing them deep down within where they have a chance to fester.
My favourite candles are from Queen B organic beeswax candles located right here in Australia. Again, not sponsored, just a fave of mine.
5. Find Calm & Security Through a Weighted Blanket
I never thought I'd be someone to find comfort in a weighted blanket, but in the bowels of deep grief I was desperate for any relief I could find.
Weighted blankets are calming to the nervous system, are shown to lower cortisol levels and help to manage anxiety and stress.
It's one of the best investments that I have made during my grieving process and now I can't be without it.
Mine is the 7kg Weighted Blanket II from Neptune Blanket - Once again, not sponsored in any way, I just adore the product. It's easy to wash, perfectly distributed weight and a lovely soft material. I'd love them to bring out an organic cotton cover but I sleep with this on top of my doona anyway so I'm not mad.
As you can see, Milton (my beautiful sphynx cat) has trouble getting under it, it's pretty heavy!
Surprisingly, they also don't get hot like I thought they would. Best tool in my grief toolkit - apart from tea of course!
6. Connect with Nature
Nature has a quiet way of reminding us that life continues, even through loss. Walking in the bush, sitting under a tree, or simply watching the sky shift colours at sunset on my back patio gives me small moments of peace when I need it most.
I'm affected by the moon at the best of times but grief can feel particularly heavy during a full moon. Finding a few moments after the kids have gone to bed to sit under the full moon and reflect each month has become a beautiful ritual for me.
7. Create a Comforting Playlist
Music has always played a significant role in my life but it really became my companion when words felt too heavy.
I built a playlist filled with songs that soothed me, some that helped me cry and others that quietly reminded me of hope.
Grief and sorrow can feel isolating, but music has a way of holding space when nothing else can.
Create your own self love playlist that you can play to soothe the soul. Great for playing in those moments of quiet reflection, perhaps with a candle and a cup of tea or laying in a warm bubble bath. Why not both?
8. Speak Their Name
While grieving someone I loved, I avoided saying their name at first. It felt too painful, too real. But over time, I've found comfort in speaking their name out loud.
Speaking their name out loud validates the memories and stories you shared. It reminds you that the love you shared doesn’t disappear, even when someone is gone.
9. Lean Into Creative Expression
Grief has a way of filling you with emotions that don’t always make sense. Finding a creative outlet can help.
For me, writing in my journal, clay target shooting and pouring my love back into my business became that space.
I got busy chasing my goals and creating new blends and products in the Apothecary.
For you it could be painting, gardening, cooking, or anything that helps you express what feels too big to say.
Someone once said to me that grief is the despair you feel when you no longer know where to send the love you once sent. I sent that love back out the Universe through my work and hobbies.
10. Find a Safe Space to Speak Freely
Sorrow is heavy and sometimes you really need to let the words out, raw, unfiltered and unpolished.
Find someone you trust, a close friend, a counselor, or even just a quiet place to talk out loud to yourself. Giving voice to your thoughts with a touch of validation, can bring unexpected relief.
One very unexpected place I've found an outlet for my thoughts s using an AI chat. This also means I'm not wearing out my friends with my big feelings. I highly recommend giving it a try.
To those two besties of mine who have been almost worn down to the bone listening to me - I thank you! You know who you are 🌻
11. Create A Beautiful Evening
Nights can feel especially hard as grief tends to get louder in the quiet.
Often our sorrow will start swallowing us up the minute the sun starts setting in the afternoon. Finding ways to cope in the evenings is crucial.
Just like mornings can be beautiful, so can our evenings if we make them.
I highly recommend creating a cozy bedroom or other space in your house that's just for these quiet moments. A space that feels special to you.
Your bedroom particularly should be a sanctuary, somewhere you can retreat to at the end of the day to find comfort.
Ending my day tucked away inside my bedroom with a warm mug of tea (for me it's usually Sorrow or Slumber) by candle light and a good book or my journal has became a real ritual of comfort.
As I sip my tea by candlelight, I let the events of the day soften in my mind. Some nights I sit in meditation, some nights I work through personal development workbooks, other nights I just sit quietly with my thoughts.
But each night, it gives me something gentle to close the day with, in a beautiful setting and sets me up for a good nights' sleep.
Finding Comfort in Ritual
Grief doesn’t follow a straight path, and there’s no “right” way to heal. But in those moments when you feel lost, rituals can be small anchors, gentle reminders that you’re still here, still breathing, still capable of feeling that warmth and comfort.
Whether it’s a morning tea ritual, a quiet walk, or simply lighting a candle, I hope these small moments bring you some peace, even if just for a little while.
With so much love for you,
Asti Mary x
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